Tomorrow is the big day! I have an ultrasound at 9:30am. I'm prayingggg that Dusty gets off work super early and can sleep enough so he can come to the ultrasound. Otherwise I'll have the tech write down what we are having so we can find out together later in the day when Dusty gets up.
I'm excited but also a little nervous. I think I'd be really happy either way, but I wonder if actually finding out will make me realize that I really did have a preference and was just being dishonest with myself about it.
Boy...
For as long as babies have been in my brain I have thought I wanted all boys. Strongly wanted all boys...Maybe it is because I had brothers growing up and I always loved hanging out with them and playing with them. I remember as I got older being more and more confused by girls...the emotions, the cattiness, the hair and makeup...I just didn't get it. I didn't get myself and I figured if I had a girl she'd end up the same. I fear a girl picking up on my insecurities and having them herself...I think to be a mom of a girl you have to be really strong...
Girl...
I've always felt like I never quite 'got it'...as far as the girly things in life. I figured that if I had a girl she would end up weird like me...confused about fashion and insecure about herself...all those things I don't want to pass on. Anyways, since I got pregnant this time my whole heart has changed about having a girl. I think I see it more as an opportunity to be open and teach her some of the things I didn't learn when I was young...and maybe I'd learn how to dress her cute and she wouldn't end up so akward like me. I also think it would be awesome to see Dusty with a daughter. And if this is our last baby I think I would always wonder what it would be like to have a girl.
Well, I've probably thought about this way too much...but these things don't happen often on one's lifetime so I think it's ok. We'll see what tomorrow brings...
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